Oh October, I adore thee. Partly because Scorpio season is the best zodiac season, partly because you get the perfect mix of weather, never knowing if we will get a few more days of summer or snow on Halloween, and partly because my birthday is at the end of it.
32, what a wild number. 32 years that has been packed with joy and heartache and self -loathing and forgiveness. I enjoy reflecting on the year, and what the theme of my growth has been. This year, self-love has been intertwined in each month.
Each month I had to learn to pick my well-being over and over. I learned to ask for what I need with people I found challenging to confront. I practice setting boundaries and honoring my truth. I left when I needed to leave, and I stayed when the lesson was still there to learn.
And I had to forgive myself every single day. Forgive myself for what I had done, had not done, said and hadn’t said. Forgive myself for being human. For just doing the best I could do.
Part of my recovery is learning my worth and saying my worth out loud with no guilt. Not caring who will go “oh God Tara, she just loves herself.”
Fun fact… I actually do really love myself! Took a lot of healing but we’re finally genuinely getting there. My self-love comes from an authentic place where I am not over compensating. This 32-year-old woman has done a ton of work, so much self -examination, and has bravery that never ceases to amaze me. She’s uncovered some ugly false beliefs and patterns of behavior and rewired them.
And when she stumbles with self-doubt or shame, she has the best of friends and spiritual guides to remind her how precious and badass she is. So, to honor that hard work, I’m writing a list of 10 things I love about myself and I challenged you to do the same. Even if it’s hard. Because what the world really needs is more people who actually love at least 10 things about themselves.
Mine:1. I love that I can encourage other women, instead of tearing them down; my phone is often filled with texts and phone calls of women who feel safe sharing their joys and frustrations with me.
- I love that I have nurtured my relationships with my siblings and that they are my best buds; that I have learned to show up to have the tough conversations with them and learned to keep my unsolicited feedback to myself unless they have asked; to heal my oldest child syndrome and let them have their journeys; and cheer them on as much as I can.
- I love my love for the ocean; that I can play in it all day. So much that when I lay in bed at night, I can feel the rocking of the waves.
- I love my ability to hold conversations with anyone. And to really listen without wanting to fix. My ability to ask really good questions to gather more about people, because people are fascinating.
- I love my hair. I did nothing to earn it, and I know one day it’s not going to look like it does now, and that’s ok. But for today, I love this lion’s mane.
- I love that I love children. I know how to play with them, talk to them, nurture them, listen and teach them. Each year I get better at this.
- I have incredible passion for dismantling racism and sexism and homophobia in this country. I’m now able to be vocal about people being oppressed. As a result, I have some of the most open minded loving and diverse friends. The fear of not caring what people think of my instagram posts, where I call out everything, is something I love.
- I take recovery seriously. I’m not afraid to dig. It’s exhausting being self-aware and self-examining, but I somehow I keep showing up to do it.
- I love my laugh. It changes constantly; I never know what one’s going to show up. I love each one.
- I love my relationship with my Higher Power. That I can trust my Higher Power and trust the process. This was not always the case. I had to work at losing old rules and ideas of what my Higher Power was. Today I know that my HP is loving and creative and hilarious and in the corner routing for me; for 32 years, is always routing for me. Perhaps now going, “Ah sweet girl, you’re finally seeing what I’ve always been able to see.”